How To Have Phone Sex
Okay, first you grab a jizz rag and the telephone, then you call the number, then you talk to the girl and start wanking like a monkey on crack, then you bust a giant nut all over the place - then you blame it on the guy who cuts the grass and tell your wife you were at work when he must of broke in and done the deed so she should fire him!
Sound good?
That's what I did, but instead of just following Holly's guide on how to have phone sex I went the DIY route and got in big trouble with the old ball and chain!
How?
Seems she was fucking him in the garage at the time and knew it was me who spunked the sofa - plus she saw my phone bill and knew I had been dialing "Nasty Mary's Skank Line" all week. D'OH!
HedButt
Posted: Sunday 13th May 2012, 11:18 PM
Naughty Daughter Cock Teases Step Dad
Some guys get all the luck! Here I'm doing community service for masturbating in public behind the Church and this guy gets to pull his wick to his step daughter romping about topless and in pantyhose?
It ain't fair, I tells ya'!
I want a Naughty Daughter Who Cock Teases Her Step Dad and likes to watch him blow a load to rivals Mount Etna!
I'm complaining to the Judge!
HedButt
More Naughty Daughter Cum Hijinks!
Posted: Sunday 22nd April 2012, 6:53 PM
Daddy's Little Girl
Okay, want to enjoy some REALLY taboo stuff with Daddy's Little Girl that will get you divorced if the wife finds out?
Trust me, it's hot and I lost about three gallons of monkey spunk from the old jizz cannon when I stumbled across it. Family fun? Well, let's just say young girls today are at a whole other level when it comes to sex and sexuality, hehe...
HedButt
Shame For A Small Penis?
Posted: Tuesday 10th April 2012, 1:01 PM
Adult Baby Fetish
Okay, I might be a well-respected (or loathed, hehe) pervert of the biggest kind, but the idea of furious masturbating to Adult Baby Fetish never was on the plate - until now!
I met a older babe who put me in diapers and jerked my cock as she nursed me with one of her big floppy tits in my mouth and I came HARD!
So hard in fact I sprained my left nut and had to call the SAR team to come rescue me! Which was a BIG mistake because they said they only come in a life threatening emergency and now I have to pay 10 grand for the helicopter! Fark!
Oh, well, I had my new "mommy" diaper my butt and feed my my supper from a bottle as I figured out a way to get the dough!
HedButt
These Moms Cross Dress You
Posted: Monday 26th March 2012, 9:07 AM
Personalized Panty Fetish Fantasy
So I was surfing the web looking for something hot and kinky to whip the lizard to when I stumbled across a bunch of babes who offer a Personalized Panty Fetish Fantasy and thrilled!
Here was a way to indulge my passion for sniffing and yerking to panties from a variety of "womens" - young girls to old ladies! So I rang them up and proceeded to spend the next forty minutes engage in some rather furious cock pulling and panty fetish madness. It was GREAT!
Time for more!
HedButt
You Can Also Enjoy Pantyhose Fetish!
Posted: Monday 12th March 2012, 1:01 PM
Big Thick Booty
I was sitting at the bus stop downtown watching all the Big Thick Booty go by and decided to get me some.
Approaching a fine dark hottie I asked if I could sniff her butt for a large amount of money. She agreed and we went to a little room above the local porno threatre. She doffed her jeans and let me sniff her big behind as I jerked my small white cock to a splashing finish - all over her boots!
WOOPS! With a cry of "White man, you done fucked up now" she grabbed me by the hair and forced me to get put my wallet and fork over a whole sack of bills!
I couldn't refuse, after all, she is the head nun at the local orphanage and she would of brought down the curse of Jebus if I had refused!!
HedButt
Pantyhose Pussy Rocks Too!
Posted: Monday 27th February 2012, 12:18 PM
Pantyhose Smother Babes
I would do anything to be able to trade places with one of these Pantyhose Smother Babes, you know? Being forced to sniff the stank through some hot hose would get the old jizz dribler up and firing a 21-gun molten MAGMA cock salute!
I tried offering the lady next door some cash to sit on my face in her pantyhose and let me jerk the chicken, but she said NO!
Of course the fact that she was sixty years old and also my mother in law might have something to do with that, but hey, can't blame a fella for trying, right?
HedButt
Lot's Of Pantyhose Porn HERE!
Posted: Monday 6th February 2012, 1:48 PM
Sex With A Shemale
If you've ever had Sex With A Shemale you probably didn't think it was going to hurt - until she rammed that nine inch tranny cock up your manhole and slid it in and out before creaming your pie, right?
Many a man has come to grief at the hands of a hot tgirl and her wang of destruction, so just be sure it's something your turd tunnel can handle before you let her drop her panties and bend YOU over, hehe..
HedButt
Girls Who Like Sex Toys
Posted: Sunday 22nd January 2012, 8:02 PM
Femdom Facesitting Porn
Of course while checking out some sizzling Femdom Facesitting Porn my butt sniffing madness overcame me and I had to quickly rub one out.
Only problem was I wasn't alone. I forgot the maid was home and dusting in the next room! Alarmed by my shrieks of "Sniff that ass, bitch boy!" she ran into the room just as I was launching a molten stream of hot nut sauce across the desk, D'OH!
She cried out "Mama Mia, Meester HedButt is jerking the chorizo again! It is making the sperm! I am leaving!"
Damn, but it's hard keeping a house keeper these days!
HedButt
A Tight Ass Is A Happy Ass!
Posted: Saturday 14th January 2012, 12:12 AM
Teen Girls Wrestling Naked In The Shower
Okay, so it's every perv's passion to be able to be a fly on the wall and witness some Teen Girls Wrestling Naked In The Shower, right? I mean who hasn't been caught drilling a hole into the girl's locker room at school so they could peep some budding breasts and naked teenage ass, hmmm?
I mean, the last time I did it, I used a power drill and was almost through the last three inches of concrete before the police caught me!
Luckily the Judge was an old friend and only sentenced me to forty hours of community service picking up trash along the road, but at least I got to see some nude teens grappling, hehe...
HedButt
Facesitting In Panties Here!
Posted: Tuesday 3rd January 2012, 12:49 PM
My Nice Butt
When a hot young girl decides to put up some pictures of herself under the title "My Nice Butt", you just KNOW I'm going to have to have a peek and jerk, right?
And does she ever have a nice butt! Of course those little girl panties pulled down around her sweet soft thighs do it to me the most - I think I shot a few gallons of high octane spunk into the tissue when I saw that!
And to be able to sniff those undies after they came off her nice butt would probably land me in the clinic with a semen deficiency that would take more than a few steak breakfasts to cure, hehe..
Have a look and deploy the spunk cannon!
HedButt
Find Your Kinky XXX Fetish Here!
Posted: Monday 26th December 2011, 11:49 PM
Hot Mature Mom Galleries
There I was, jerking off to some sizzling Hot Mature Mom Galleries featuring a busty older bitch showing off her huge tits and lovely plump ass when the phone rang - and it was my wife's mother on the line!
She asked what I was doing home at two in the afternoon on a Monday and why wasn't I at work earning a living instead of sponging off her hard-working daughter?
My reply? "Can it, bitch, I'm draining my scrotum to some pix of a hot slut who's over fifty but hot, not like you, ya' monkey faced harpy of Satan!"
That fixed her wagon! Of course she then called my wife and told her to leave me pronto, but hey, that's what mother in laws do, right?
HedButt
Sexy Pantie Babes To Jerk To!
Posted: Monday 19th December 2011, 12:39 PM
XXX Porno
After having imbibed my daily dose of XXX Porno of the most hardcore and extreme kind, I was forced to lay down and take a nap. You see, I had jizzed about three gallons of the hot stuff and after that I needed a nap.
Which I did unfortunately did in the middle of the street next to my house. I guess in a state of extreme semen loss due to chronic masturbation I had stumbled into the road in a funk and passed out - dressed in nothing but my socks and welder's goggles (don't ask)
The police were very nice and offered me a ride to the hospital, but I declined and ran and hid in the bushes next to my old music teacher's house.
All in all a good day!
HedButt
Women Trained As Ponies? WTF?
Posted: Sunday 11th December 2011, 9:45 PM
Naked Hot Teen Ass
When ever I catch a glimpse of some Naked Hot Teen Ass I always have to pull out the old cock robin and stroke madly until the jizz shots forth like a volcano - which can be a problem when I'm in the car driving the kids to school.
You see, I was dropping them off when a bevy of young teen cheerleaders in short skirts ran by. One of the girls dropped her books and bent over to pick them up thereby exposing some serious lolita ass in thong panties!
WHOA! Sperm HO!
I had to pull over and launch a mighty load right out the window, then speed off before one of the crossing guards grabbed me for perversion - something the Judge said better NOT happen again!
A close one, fo'sure!
HedButt
Deliciously Perverted Pantyhose Fetish Porn HERE!
Posted: Monday 5th December 2011, 12:28 PM
My Pantyhose Girl
So while jerking the monkey meat to these nice pictures of My Pantyhose Girl it suddenly dawned on me - I'd left the bedroom curtains open!
And sure enough, the old skank from next door was peering in from her bathroom window and shaking her fist at me as I shot blast after blast of hot jizz across the room! The bitch! I told her she could only watch if she put a dollar in the mailbox!
Next time she better pay up or I'm going to resume pooping in her yard at night!
... oh, and the pantyhose fetish porn was AWESOME!
HedButt
Fine Black Women Having Sex HERE!
Posted: Monday 28th November 2011, 11:53 AM
Hot Lesbian Spanking Movies
If it's one thing I dearly love pulling the old pud to is some Hot Lesbian Spanking Movies featuring hot chicks getting their naughty bare bottoms spanked by a pussy loving lesbian bitch ... or Mistress!
Girl on girl sex allows accounts for my weekly semen spilling quota and these FF spanking videos will surely aid me in meeting the gallon of daily spunk requirement my court order requires... I just hope the judge doesn't up it again as my scrotum has started to sag and my nuts are aching!
She set it at a gallon a day in the hopes of making me "tame and obedient" and less of a menace to the locals.
HedButt
Sluts In Krazy Katfights HERE!
Posted: Monday 14th November 2011, 2:13 PM
Forced Cock Milking Video
I think I've found my dream job, it's being the star of a Forced Cock Milking Video where some beautiful slut ties me down and empties my scrotum of all juice via furious and unending cock pulling! Is that not the BEST? I long to be milked like a human dairy cow - fed, housed and repeatedly milked in the barn as I stand there chewing my cud, it's fucking HEAVEN I tells ya'!
What about you? Would you like a woman to masturbate you for hours on end?
Especially if she put a pair of her stinky panties aver my face too! Hmmm, I'd be filling the milk pail like a fountain!
HedButt
Kinky Sex Personals Rock
Posted: Sunday 6th November 2011, 7:21 PM
Big Ass Video
Being a confirmed butt smeller and panty thief, I say the bigger the butt the better the yerking, right?
So, having found this deliciously naughty page of Big Ass Video I've decided to spend the Halloween eve eating candy corn and jerking my pickle until the old scrotum is completely empty and aching. Sound good?
Just hope no kids come to the door while I'm yanking the crank and draining the nut sac...
HedButt
Sexy Pantiehose For Perverts
Posted: Sunday 30th October 2011, 10:03 PM
Jerking At The Stinky Panty Revue
Now, I had to be taken to the clinic after Jerking At The Stinky Panty Revue because I had lost three quarters of my natural bodily fluids, but what REALLY burned me was that they charged me with "Chronic Masturbaton" offenses!
The nerve of the Judge! I only ran outside with my pants at my ankles and collapsed on the lawn after screaming obscenities at some local children for Krist's sake! It's not like I killed someone is it?
I tells ya' the law ain't no good!
HedButt
Nude Sports Girls Doing Porn
Posted: Monday 24th October 2011, 1:03 PM
Free Black Ass Gallery
When I was caught by the wife jerking off to this delightful Free Black Ass Gallery I had only one excuse - my lust for naked ebony buns had got the best of me and I had to drain the nut sac to keep from going jungle crazy - an aliment that affected most of the early explorers of the African continent.
See, when you ogle sweet big booty and fine phat azz for too long, it makes your sperm count go WAY up and the resulting pressure in your aching nads has to be reduced my feverish masturbation.
It's TRUE! Just ask any bwana devil!
HedButt
More And Varied Bare Butt Pictures HERE
Posted: Monday 17th October 2011, 12:32 PM
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